अजनबी शहर है... अजनबी शाम है...

और तो सब कुछ ठीक है लेकिन कभी कभी युही चलता फिरता शहर अचानक तन्हा लगता है...
अचानक अपना साया भी मुझको अजनबी सा लगता है....
सोचता हू की इस नए शहर में नयी ज़िन्दगी शुरू करू....
पर हर मोड़ पर हर चेहरा पुराना लगता है....
सब कुछ तो ठीक है यहाँ लेकिन कभी कभी यह शहर अचानक तन्हा लगता है....


PS - Special thanks to Saba for giving me the first line for this... I just added others...

When Did We Forget Our Dreams?

The infinite possibilites each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of the societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us.

And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of some day easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up.

This is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can, if someone asks you to not post you something on the web for the fact that a future employer might read it....

I give a DAMN!

PS - This is not my work. This is from XKCD.com. The exact link is : http://xkcd.com/137/

Thanks!

Shardul

And the world goes BOOM!

Well 2012 is out in cinemas this week, and will be watching it as soon as my world gets free from assignments so that i can see the very destruction of it. :)

The movie is based on the notion that the world is going to end in 2012 as the Mayan calendar is going to end......wait a minute... i have heard this before...

is it similar to the story that computers will be useless after 31 december 1999 as the 2000 would cause too many undesired changes...

we survived that!

Anyways, I still like the idea that it would just take one day to destroy all we, and the mankind ;) have created in so many years...

Would update this after watching the movie...

In the mean time would also think for one such way the world can end....

may be when i get committed to someone :)

Ciaoz

Shardul

The straight line

I have not been a writer at any stage of my life. But slowly I have started realizing that there is a need for a virtual space for me to share what I feel about what is going around in this world, and what is going around in the life around me. So after killing my old blog, I have decided to start this new one to wipe the slate clean and share what I truly feel about things.

Let us discuss about the concept of the straight line. Everybody wants their life to be a straight line, knowing from where it came, and where it will go. Everybody wants to add a bit of predictability in the lives they live. Though there are very few successful people who have been able to achieve the same, but there is a way to achieve a not so perfect line in life.

In the world we live in today, specially if you are from India, everyone has a backpack full of expectations on their shoulders. All of us are expected to do some things in some certain way because people expect that from us. Your every action is scrutinized and people try to predict you future based on your actions. One of my friends was telling me about his past relationships and what he has learnt from them. He told me that once there was this girl who abandoned him just because she thought that he did not had any future. This is one classic example of expectations driving the life around us. Not to be biased towards my friend, but the girl wanted to predict where they would land up by just seeing where they are now. This is a totally false approach.

In the quarter of a century I have seen this world, I have noticed only one thing. As in the case above, people would judge you by what you are right now and not what you can be. It is a result oriented world out there and no one is willing to pay even a tiny bit of respect to how a person does his work. For me, it is the most important thing one should count their decisions on. If AR Rehman's teacher would have followed the same, he would have discarded him the very first time he had met him. If I have my facts right, he was not doing that good in music when he first went to his teacher. Luckily for us, his teacher considered the talent which was hidden within and focussed on nurturing the same and bringing it out.

I know you might be thinking where is this blog heading towards, i started off with predictability and then something about talent v/s results. Let me bring it in a straight line to you...

It is okay that people want to have predictability in their lives. It gives them the feeling of being in control of their lives and also of the lives of the people they influence. The only problem with that is people give chance to people who have proven something in life. This gives a bit of predictability in their lives. That is fine too... Just do not ignore the people who still have not got a chance to show what they are made of. If possible, try to be brave and give at least one person an opportunity. He might disappoint you at first (there is a good 50% chance of that happening), but the power your faith instills in him can make him break the shackles which have been holding him and then fly like a bird as if the sky was made for him...

PS - I know this post is a bit crappy, but I started out to write out something totally different... and may be one day I will find the courage to write it down.

To help yourself while helping others...

I have been in Los Angeles for nearly three months, with a complete roller coaster ride.

One thing that I have realized here is that if you spend your time worrying about small problems, the bigger problems get bigger.

Let me tell you an example....I must admit I have not made many friends in Los Angeles, especially in USC. But the few I have, came up to me with a problem. The issue was they tried to push their limits, which was good, but they got scared when the initial results did not match their expectations. They were talking w.r.t. the courses they have taken, while I was having the same problem, but it was applied to a bigger domain. I am also in the midst of things and most of them are not going the way I have planned them. I tried to extend my limits, challenged myself to give up a fairly comfortable life with a job in the hometown which paid me enough money for me to live a lavish life. I challenged myself to leave all that and come here, 1000s of miles away from my people to pursue MS.

Coming back to the original issue, my friends actually started doubting themselves for making the decisions they made. When they asked me the advice for the matter for which even i was seeking one, everything became clear to me in an instant.

The decisions we take are valid for a limited amount of time. This means they have their impact limited in the dimension of time. The common mistake everyone makes is to evaluate them when they matter. Decisions should only be evaluated when they do not matter at all. Small setbacks are a part of the game. They are like brick-wall. They are present to test how badly we want that thing, kind of a filter to select only the people who are ready to do anything to chase their dreams.

The only thing the words above are trying to say is this, everyone faces obstacles in achieving their goals. Only those who want it badly see it as a stepping stone.

Shardul

Recap :)

helloz....after a long time...
its been some time from my last post and the world has turned upside down in this period...

the last post was dedicated to my first week in US. now i am back here in a totally new place for a totally new purpose. Let me back up a few yards and pick up from where i left off...
So I was in Austin, for a client visit, and man did it go well. I got recognized for my work, had seniors talking about the quality of work...and what not. The original plan was as soon as I return to India, I would give GRE again and get a better score. That required for me to study hard when I was in US. Well one thing led to the other and then when I returned to India, it was more or less the same situation as the last time, with less preparation. But things eventually turned out good as I managed to score more than last time around...
Then office was going at its usual pace, I decided to take a plunge into the world of graduate school applications and all. Was lucky this time around, out of 10 applied, got admits from 6, was real happy but more confused...WHERE TO GO???
After a long discussion, I decided to come to USC. It was a old decision, as it was the most costliest university out of my admits and had a big reputation associated with it. But then overall it looked a standout option.

College -> Decided, Office -> ??? so had to put in my papers...after some thought and lots of planning I resigned on may 11th, making 10th july 2009 as my last working day at CSC. Exactly three years after I joined in 2006. Those two months were a total surprise package. I never knew I would come so close to somebody legally not available :). Two of my best friends decided to get married, one went into self imposed exile...and others...well all together busy in their worlds. But when the D day came, I came to know some good things about me, when at the farewell party all of my friends started telling me stuff which i do intentionally and unintentionally. Some of it was good, some...bad, but it was like talking to a mirror. Telling you things which even you were not sure about. But as all good things have to come to an end...I had to say them goodbye...and leave Indore for good. Guys, i will never forget the time i spent with you...and i promise, kabhi bhi mile to bhoolunga nahi.

So thats about it, I came to USC on 6th Aug. And life has again taken a sharp turn here....more about that in next post...and this one would be coming soon....

ciaoz...

Well Here It Is....

i am here....the place called the backyard of success, the country which has it all, but still i miss the small country where my roots belong...
i miss my people, my friends, my family, and i miss them all....
let me break up my week's schedule for you, and you'll understand the reason why i said the aforesaid statement,

Monday to Friday : Rush to office at 7:30AM, Finish my whole work and return to home at 6:00PM. Once you return back you notice that the dishes are not done, and there is nothing in the refrigerator for you to eat. So you do the dishes, then cook some food for you....and by the time you are done...it is already 10:30PM and you suddenly feel the need to have a good sleep. Next morning the whole process continues....

Weekends...
Once you return from office on Friday evening, you notice that the though dishes are still not done, and you still need to cook to fill your own stomach.....still you are a bit relaxed. Living in downtown, the most happening place of the town...and you just take a walk down the street, and you forget all your worries. You return late and sleep like you have never slept before.

On Saturday, you wake up late, do your weekly laundry and then prepare lunch. By the time you are done with that all, you start feeling the void which was present from day 1 but hidden under the covers of being busy. It starts poking you, and before you even know it, it starts killing you. And you cannot do anything about it other than face it...

So to sum it up, though you have everything with you, you still have nothing,
though you have everyone on your side, still you fight alone...
and though you have a million acquaintances, YOU STILL WALK ALONE!!!

Sometimes I just want to say that’s IT!!!

Many ways to choose from, many possible outcomes,

Thinking of a way which would eradicate this confusion

All people pouring in with their own suggestions,

Not helping solving me the problem, but giving it an addendum

More and more I think over it, more increases the amplitude,

All I need now is something to do away with my solitude

Yes I stand single on this big blue planet,

Sometimes I just want to say that’s IT!!!

Taking it away from me it what everyone has done,

They say it is for my good, but is surely out of my comprehension

Understating the realms of it is taking its toll,

End is not that far off, I am getting old…

Before the sun sets on my little world’s own horizon,

I wish they could be more ways out of this rather than none

I wish I could tell you more of this problem but,

Sometimes I just want to say that’s IT!!!

The war is mine!!!

Trying to figure a way out of this abyss
It seems that everything is now turning into a mess…
Times were tougher before
This time I can’t face it any more….
Looking at the sun shine every morning
Just can’t help my self thinking
How to end this bloody bore….
Because not now it suffocates, hurts even more…
Losing each breathe every moment,
Becoming weaker every second
Having the odds against me one more time
I love to race against them even when everybody is against me, even mine
Lemme put the pen down now and pick up the sword,
The battle might not be mine, but sure is the war!!!

NOT YET

I Am Confident, yet underrated
looks like one but I am serrated
yes i am down and a bit annoyed
am feeling helpless, as if I am denied
I am angry, on what I don't know,
but when I am happy, everything else is no show
looking outside the window
on this noraml looking day
i know there are better things to do
while i stay.....
people do decide and then regret,
while i would just say,
not yet, not yet....

What I Am Made For?

To solve all you problems is what I am made for,
To give funda of chill and relax is what I am made for,
To ask you to enjoy life like anything is what I am made for,
To wipe the tears from your eyes is what I am made for,
To not follow anything what I say to you myself, is what I am made for...

Janamdin Ki Haardik Badhaiya

Birthdays!!!

Everyone is excited about the the anniversary of the day they were born. Remembering the day when you were incarnated/reincarnated (whatever...) people really feel happy as if the world was complete when they arrived. It is otherwise....

Celebrating birtdays should be banned, because:

* You have to give a lavish treat to your friends

* People would not miss even a single chance to give you the so called b'day bumps, as if you were born for those only :)

* Everyday people will pull your leg in way or the other, the best one being, "Aaj to b'day hai...."

But after so much love (?) shown by your friends towards you, you might not be able to sit properly the whole day, you might use every edible thing as a face wash, or shampoo (see the pic), but still you would feel happy, and this feeling comes from seeing so many people around you, the feeling of having friends.....

Happy Birthday!!!!

Kaha hu kahaa nahi....

Today was the first day I spent in office after two of the closest friends left for on site.
Though I am really happy about their chance to harass people of other nationality ;-), but getting used to a silent workplace would surely take time.
I myself didn't believed till I observed my watch and the list of task I have on my hand. During the whole day, the list was getting smaller and smaller, and the time was going on at its own speed. Nearly 10 hrs after I started my days' work, I actually asked myself, have I started working??? Would I continue to do so till my frens come back??? Time will tell.....
But aaj mazaa bhi aaya, puraane dosto se bichda to tha, but pahucha apne logo ke hi beech. :-)

How I'm spending my precious time.....

8:00AM Wakeup after a nice little fight with your alarm clock

9:00AM Get ready for the office

10:00AM Near office at a small but a favorite shop of mine ;-)

10:10AM The smily time is the last time for all the fun in the first half of my day, office works starts

10:15AM Be at SK or AG's desk and pakaofy them(still wondering about how these two tolerate me)

10:30 AM finally start with the work
10:45AM break for tea :)

12:30PM again at AG's desk to peep into what is she doing, SK shoves me away as if i am a stray dog :(

1:30PM break for lunch, actually i don't eat much but its my favorite pasttime as i bakar a lot during it

2:30PM lunch over, get back to work, only after a couple of games in TT

3:15PM coffee break

then work
4:00PM coffee break

then work/meeting

6:00PM go to cafe for some snacks (the way the cafe-wala prepares it, it shud be called snakes)

work a bit....

7:30PM Lawn or table tennis..which ever is having capacity to accomodate me

8:30PM call onsite.....usually about work, nowadays bakar has also crept into it

9:00PM home sweet home

10:00PM my little big tv :) still wondering on Ashish's question on how we are able to watch 90 channels in 30 minutes, still fighting hard for the answer

01:00AM try to sleep
02:00AM try to sleep.........

and so it goes......

PS THIS POST IS DEEPLY INSPIRED BY MY MENTOR :)

The Probability called Life

It was one long day before I went to sleep. Just before going to bed I started thinking the chances of me getting up early next morning. That was it, it struck me then and there itself that the chances of me doing anything, and if doing it then the chances of me getting the results at the end of it is not only based on what I am planning to do, or am doing, but also on the probability of life.

The principle of probability of life is simple and straight. When ever we are doing anything, or how we try to act about it, we are doing nothing but just playing with the probability. In simple and shorter terms, life is nothing but a probability. If we look around, everything sensed is having equal probability of not having there.

For a small boy, this probability lies in whether he would learn to talk, walk, and learn like a normal person or not. This should be noted that we define what is normal, thus the chances of it being the real normal also vary based on the situation. Everything we do is a probability we are playing with. Whether it is a student giving an examination, or a man going and asking a woman out, or for that case vice versa, we all play with it.

It is not that by saying it is a probability; we can run away from the consequences of what we do. What I mean is, though the chances play a good role, it is not the only part of the game called life. The best part of it is, though it for sure that we have to play this game by the probability, we are also given the freedom to define our own set of rules for it. What is good for you is not necessarily good for others, but since everyone is given this authority to decide his/her own standards, everyone has his/her own probability of getting things done at the end.

I just happen to run into a case where two individuals, very good friends of each other, suddenly face a situation in their lives. Both had plain and simple principles, but the thin line defining what is normal and accepted and what is not, didn’t match for these two individuals as it was at different locations. Being good friends to both of them, but having my allegiances well defined, the whole situation put me in a spot of bother as I knew as both of them played with their own probability, the chances of level of acceptance can not necessarily be the same. I am really not sure what would be outcome of this whole episode is going to be; it has really strengthened my adherence in this principle.

Well trying to figure out what is right and what is not; what is real and what is not; but by trying to figure out a method to get lives of me and friends back on track, I am back in the game with my own rules, and I’ll make sure that though the probability of me getting a great result for the group might be difficult, but is not that far off.

To be on the crossroads

The few lines, which would always be thr in my mind are all contradicting,
While one says, Nothing Else Matters, the other points, in the end it doesn't even matter]
But the thot which is having its roots deep within is the the one which says,
YOU"LL NEVER WALK ALONE
Though the above statement holds true, i still love to walk in rain, as nobody sees i am crying
There are still some dark corners which are still waiting to be illuminated, still some facts waiting to be clarified, is short the wait is all around.......

Suddenly everything is changing, the new breeze starts to flow in....
Now there is a face around, looking at which all my miseries go away, that simple smiling face though says nothing, but takes your breath away.....
Now there is only one thing......
I CAN"T LIVE< WITH OR WITHOUT YOU......

ciao...

Perception

Perception is something (acc. to me, u sure wud have different thots) what mind believes and TRUTH is something totally different.

Its hard time for me to clarify each and every action of mine.

For more than sometime now, things i have said have been taken in the wrong sense.......

But if someine cant understand my feelings.....the meaning of the things said........or done....
I CANT HELP THEM.........

Again...........a wonderful day......did something really creative and made a cool utility.......

Forget ROMA.....MONA........
it LOMA DARLING NOW...........why?

Kyunki Saara shehar mujhe LOIN ke naam se jaanta hai ;)

Am I Lost.............???

Well LP puts it like In the END it doesn't even matter, and MEtallica says NOthing Else MAtters...
An SHM is born (if you don't know what is an SHM, you probably shouldn't read further)

But ........
The way you want a thing to be,
It would turn out the same way.......
Just a simple condition that a right amount of effort is required.....

STILL MEASURING :-)

BY THE WAY ,

Main jahaan rahu,
Main kahi bhi rahu,
Teri yaad saath rahti hai.....

THE CELEBRATIONS!!!

Yesterday was surely one of the best birthdays i ever celebrated. Though was missing few of my friends, ( Pune waalon, thanks bumps naa marne ke liye ;) ) . I enjoyed every moment of it. No work in office, cool all day long on telephone talking to people.............it was amazing. But the best was in store for the evening. My office has a tradition of cake cutting ceremony for the birthdays in the office itself.... So when i reached there i found that people were waiting for giving me a cake bath ( well , i had given them too, so no regrets). Just after i cut the cake, they all just en cashed the opportunity and a minute later i had a chocolate head...........
It was fun!!!

The Marathon

Today was an amazing day, started pretty well with working picking up speed as a ferrari on a racing track, things were on the cloud nine soon, but suddenly after lunch everything changed. while chatting to a friend , the inner me became active and gave all kinds philosophical shit. After some time when i read it again i felt that it was something that couldn't be described.....
I apologized to person on the receiving end for this and even applauded her for her patience .....

Evening started the marathon, the TT marathon, though a novice player i had a spree of 3 straight wins, highest in my life, slowly but steadily i am beginning to like this sport.